Lousy Days

I knew when I got up this morning that today was going to be a bad day.  Today is the day my mom went in for surgery. She isn't the healthiest of people - like most of it she thinks she eats better than she does, eats less than she does, and exercises more than she does.  Now, if I am to be completely honest, I will admit, today could have gone worse.  She could have died in surgery.  She could have had a massive coronary.  She could have had a stroke.  Those things didn't happen.  For that I am grateful.  But what did happen is right up there with the worst case scenarios - the surgery was postponed because the nurses discovered my mom has diabetes.  And not just tsk tsk shame on you for not taking care of yourself, we have to monitor you diabetes, but full on, "have fun checking your blood sugar 3 times a day and giving yourself shots in the belly" diabetes.  Joy.

No one was in a good mood when we got to the hospital at 5:50 AM.  Evidently there were some tiffs between my mom and brother on their ride in.  So when we were told only one person could go hang out with her pre-op, I said I would go in with her.  So I hung out as they corrected her birthdate on her wrist tag.  I fixed the sock that she had put on sideways.  I kept her company.

Over time, I have learned that one of my defects is that I shut down when I see someone I love in pain.  As in all circuits demand that they be shut off and re-boot (IE I pass out).  The nurse wasn't very kind when putting in the iv needle, and it stung and hurt my mother.  A lot.  She grimaced, yelped in pain, and ignored me.  I tried to get her to talk to me, to look at me, I held her hand and said everything would be ok.  And then the world started to spin.  I was having a hard time breathing.  I was dizzy. At about the point that they did a blood sugar test and asked my mom if she was diabetic, I knew I had to leave the room. I hadn't even see the blood.  I guess the up side to this defect is it is very visible to anyone around me - a nurse had to escort (holding me up firmly) me to the waiting room, where I tagged my brother to go in.  I felt like an absolute turd - I was not going through ANYTHING but yet I was the one who had to leave the room.

2 hours later my brother came out to tell me she is diabetic and that surgery is being postponed.  The Anesthesiologist made the call, and was visibly bothered that her general doctor hadn't caught this.  I am too.  We will be finding a new doctor for her post haste.  We had to wait for someone to give her an insulin shot.  We had to wait for someone to teach her how to face giving herself injections...... When I went in to see her, she wouldn't look at me.  She was so upset.  More upset over having to wait for surgery and get the IV than over being diabetic.  She hasn't realized yet that her life is changing.  Diet, exercise, they are not optional.  They are requirements.

My brother went home with her, and within 10 minutes got into a fight because he wouldn't let her eat sugar laden jello.  At the hospital they clearly tried to teach her to do the things to keep her alive - stick herself with a needle, not how to keep herself healthy- to eat right.  Goodbye simple carbs.  She thinks she can still eat cookies - I wonder how long it will take until she learns that those things are a part of her past.

So I do believe that today was a thoroughly crappy day.  One we get to repeat in 6 weeks.  Hopefully then it will be for recovery..........

That being said, there is always something to make you laugh.  When I came home, I found my fat lazy cat had jumped onto the kitchen counter, grabbed the catnip that came with his new toy, drug it into the living room, spread it all over the area rug, and rolled in it like it was a million dollars.  I laughed and cleaned it up.  When I came home after running some errands i found he had done the same thing with different catnip in the kitchen.  This time I discovered him rubbing himself with it.  Since both cats like catnip, maybe I just need to rub them down with it and let them have at it in the same room.This could be one of my best (or worst) ideas ever.

Now it is time for bed.  I had better rest.  It is going to be a big fight between the carbs, my mother, and I.

Someone to Watch Over Me

That is what I need right now.  I will settle for some friends just telling me that everything will be ok.  A few weeks ago I told the 8th graders I volunteer with that the things they have to deal with and the decisions they must make as they get older don't get easier.  That is a harsh reality that I am facing right now.

Work, well that area if my life is going completely sideways right now.  The bits and pieces that I manage?  Those are going fabulously.  I am finally fully staffed in my unit, and I couldn't LOVE my team any more than I do.  The best part?  By setting an example and picking the right folks, for the first time since I joined this department 6 years ago, I really am working in a team.  It feels great. 

What doesn't feel so great?  Walking by the construction zone in the cube next to.  Seriously.  The person has cut a keyboard in half and has it sitting out on the desk.  The same person sits on a cushion strapped to a box of paper that was scrounged from supplies stored near the printer.  Why you ask?  Why so they can use their chair as the backbone of the cubicle door they have constructed.  Also, it is hard to give direction to new staff when you have to talk over the snoring of the person in a neighboring cube.  I have said more than I should.

What else doesn't feel great?  Being at the heart of a big giant misunderstanding that has ended up highlighted in an audit.  I walked around most of yesterday afternoon on the verge of tears, because  doing what I thought was best (and was guided to do) in a certain situation blew up.  Blew up in such epic proportions that I may end up being the fall gal for a pretty shitty situation.  If I get demoted, or a pay cut because a consultant refused to change 2 sentences thanks to his massive EGO, I believe I will call him and scream at him, as he did to me, when I finally did manage to force him to change those sentences.

Cryptic writing?  Why yes it is. A good friend summed it up well when she said "You are on the wrong end of some bad luck".  Yes, yes I am.

Home life?  I still live separating two cats.  The irony is the crazy one on prozac would be perfectly happy to hang out with his brother.  It is the brother that was attacked 6 weeks ago that starts fights when one escapes the maze of doors I have to keep closed to get things cleaned around here.  So I don't end up with unsocial crazier cats, I am forced to come home and spend a couple hours with each individually.  Usually while one of the cats cries from the other side of the door.

Family?  Totally shit right now too.  A cousin has a nasty case of cancer.  My mom is having surgery in two weeks.  My mom is scared.  The craptastic part of the situation is I am really scared too - and I can't tell her- it wouldn't help.

So I do what I can right now to try to stay upbeat.  I take my friends up on their offers of dinner and dance video games to get me out of the house.  I went and got a $25 massage today.  I spend my time on a Friday night at home cleaning, so I will have the weekend free.  The crazy cat is happily asleep on the bed next to me.  I thank the heavens that I have a good relationship with my mom - so that there is no question that I will be adjusting my work schedule for a few weeks to make sure she is cared for.  I am lucky that I have such a good relationship with her that I do feel scared that something might happen in surgery.  Some people don't have that luxury.  I feel even more fortunate that I have an awesome brother to go through this with.  All my mom hears is that he and I will handle when he comes down.  We argue about when he will fly back home - he wants to stay longer so it is one less night I will have to sleep at my mom's house and go through the horrible commute from my home town to my office.  I want him to have time to go to the grocery store before his long week begins.

Those are the good bits.  I will keep trying to concentrate on those.

Time For Some Bathroom Humor

A couple of days ago, this notice was put up in my bathroom.  It has provided me hours of amusement. First off, I would like to point out that this was posted in the ladies room.  So imagine my surprise when it gave me instructions on how to be courteous when using a urinal. I haven't come across a urinal in a women's bathroom since I was in college - and that was only because of the wing they had the ladies living in that year had a mens room, not a ladies in it.  I wanted to let our facilities management know that I could perhaps have better aim at the urinal, if there was one in my bathroom - they are very hard to hit with walls in the way.

My second thoughts on the urinal matter were - who are these heathens I work with that are missing the urinal, and stuffing paper towels down it? I guess I understand missing the urinal - so much of what goes on in meetings I attend seems to be a pissing match - perhaps the office men have REAL pissing matches in their restroom.

I took a picture of this and sent it to our facilities manager, letting him know that I did not plan on lifting the toilet seat before urinating, and then putting it back down.  I should have also pointed out that if they have to be SO detail oriented with this matter, that they should just tell people to flush the toilet after using it.  After all, aren't poo and vomit also offensive?  Or is it just the urine?

Lastly, is the hygiene lesson.  Were I to write this, I would simply have said please use the sink to wash your hands and brush your teeth only.  For other hygiene needs, please use the showers in the basement.  I want to know - who is washing their feet in our sink?  But I do not want to know what OTHER body parts are being washed.

As I am a classy lady, I have spoken about this with everyone I come across in the office.  My staff, my boss, one coworker and I made sure to speak to each other while peeing, just to break another one of the "rules" (On a side note - who is hanging out in the bathroom?  We have rules about THAT now?).  I even spoke about this with my grandmother.  She is a cosmopolitan woman, and her reply was "these are all American citizens.  It isn't like they are from a third world country".  I had to sadly reply that some of them are.  Worse, evidently some of them must think they are still in the third world.

Thank you Facilities Management for giving me such a good laugh.  I really needed it.

C.